Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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