who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
