I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
