I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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