Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
