3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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