The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
