Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Non-Jews are for practice
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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