Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
