watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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