When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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