the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I showed him my bush... on skype.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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