You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
