i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
