i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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