So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
