Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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