i already hear my dad disowning me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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