Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
