guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
