he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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