I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
