Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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