Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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