There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
