So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
