if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
