onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
