How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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