I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
