Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
