Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We need to get me chipped asap
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
