I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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