He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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