"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize