the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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