he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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