if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
