We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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