The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I did not marry a roomba.
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