so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
