I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
