so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
