we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
