he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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