That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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