it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
