so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
