That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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