i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
