in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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