Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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