My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
