jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Text me some of your sweat
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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