i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
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