Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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