my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
