But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
