I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
