I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize