Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
