I am spending my child support on dildos
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think your dad took our porno
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
