covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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