Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
