i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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